im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
