The maid of honor just puked.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
