you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
