it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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