Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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