he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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