how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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