when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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