If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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