Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize