youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
