I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
