woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
