Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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