i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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