Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
