I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
