god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
