ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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