Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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