I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize