uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
