WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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