I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
