Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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