dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
