'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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