WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
