You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
