when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
