I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
