mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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