Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
