So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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