For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
you made out with another girl for some wings
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
