So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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