You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize