No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
