so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
