i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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