More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
