If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
