I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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