Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
