Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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