Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize