my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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