It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
