Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
