its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
As shirtless as possible
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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