first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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