that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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