is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
