dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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