You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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