he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
