Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he fucked my hip out of place.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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