but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
That accounts for only three of the penises
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
