I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
