I wish life had little blips of pornography
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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