the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
