I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
PANTIES FOUND
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