well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
