he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
