My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
