If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
